What & When: Parenting: Mary Shows Us the Way
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Parenting Examples from the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary
by Chris Codden
One morning as I was praying the Rosary before the Blessed Sacrament, I was reflecting on my children and contemplating a talk I was preparing for parents of teens. As I had done hundreds of times before, I was praying that my children would love the Lord, follow in his ways, be chaste and learn to do all for the glory and honor of God. But, this prayer time was different. For as I knelt, engrossed in prayer, I had what I call an Epiphany.
As I prayed on this particular morning and reflected on the joyful mysteries of the Rosary, something became very clear to me. God was sending a message through Mary, giving me some key pointers on raising children, especially through puberty and the teen years. Through the events in the life of the holy family, which are told in Scripture and manifested in the Rosary, God revealed some specific parenting tips. The following is my personal reflection on the joyful mysteries, which have helped me in my role as mother.
The First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation
The first joyful mystery: The Annunciation. Here, at the very beginning of the Gospel of Luke, a very young Mary is greeted by the archangel, Gabriel. He tells Mary, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God' (Luke 1:30). For me, this relates very closely to my role as parent of a teenager on the verge of obtaining a driver's license. I truly believe that our children have been hand picked for us by God and he has entrusted us with a great privilege to be their parents. This is a role my husband and I have taken seriously. Since they were born, we have been teaching them about God and his everlasting love. So, as our children enter a time of change, we are challenged to be without fear, trusting in God's providence and grace. Our messenger from God is telling us to 'be not afraid.'
There is also a message for us from Mary's humble response, 'Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to thy word' (Luke 1:38). This is a beautiful model for parenthood. Mary's response to this honor and tremendous responsibility was 'Yes.' We, too, are called to say 'yes' to God's trust in us. We are God's 'handmaids,' called to do his bidding, to help our children grow in stature, wisdom and faith. So we are to say a resounding 'yes' to be their earthly guide, accompanied by God's word.
The Second Joyful Mystery: The Visitation
The second joyful mystery brings us to the Visitation. Mary, who has miraculously conceived Jesus, meets her cousin, Elizabeth, also pregnant even though she is past menopause. Can you imagine what this meeting must have been like? Both women, with full trust in God's will and grace, knew their children were to be special. Imagine for a minute what they must have been thinking. Would they have questions stirring in their minds like, What is in store for me? Or how will I handle such a tremendous task? Were they the slightest bit apprehensive about what this blessing was going to mean? Were they nervous about what kind of parents they would be? Amidst all these emotions, we find them coming together for support and embracing each other.
This symbol of support is an important key in tackling the immense job of raising our special children, especially in a culture that tries to pull them from us. By affirming each other in our tasks and sharing our fears and concerns with other parents, we can develop the courage to be strong when our children need us to be strong, to be compassionate when they need to be loved, and guide them in the way of the Lord, just as Mary and Elizabeth did. Oh, and one last detail we must not forget from this great example, is that as Mary and Elizabeth met, they praised God for his special blessing.
The Third Joyful Mystery: The Nativity
The third joyful mystery: The Nativity. As we reflect on the birth of Jesus, the usual visual image is a scene with Mary sitting on a soft mound of golden hay holding the baby Jesus with Joseph standing ever so near. Every piece of artwork I have seen shows this as a peaceful, serene picture. Sometimes the picture includes shepherds or animals from the stable. Sometimes an angel hovers overhead. Sometimes the star of Bethlehem is visible with its radiant light perched over the top of the stable. No matter what is included or excluded from the picture, the main theme of the painting, mosaic, or fresco is peace.
Now, if I had just given birth to the Son of God, the Savior of the World, I believe I would have donned a facial expression to match my interior monologue questioning, 'Now what am I going to do?' Instead, what is depicted is an incredible expression of peace. Why is that? To find the answer, all we have to do is to examine the focus of Mary and Joseph. It is on Christ - the source of all peace on earth! This is exactly what we, as parents, are called to do - parent in peace, not by screaming and yelling, but with the loving peace of Christ. To accomplish this, we must remain focused, just as Mary and Joseph were, on Christ.
The Fourth Joyful Mystery: The Presentation
The fourth joyful mystery is the Presentation. What we know from Scripture is that Mary and Joseph took Jesus to the Temple when he was eight-days-old 'according to law of Moses, they took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord' (Luke 2:22). As Christian parents, we are called by Scripture to present our children for baptism. What a remarkable responsibility we embark on! The Church takes this responsibility so seriously that on our wedding day, before children are conceived, we are asked to state our intentions and we agree to 'accept children lovingly from God and educate them according to Christ and His Church.' And we accept this responsibility most times without the realization of how difficult it may be to accomplish.
Mary and Joseph knew the laws of God, which were an integral part of their culture and their lives. But for parents today, we are called to know and practice our faith. By attending Mass as a family each week, praying together at meals and bedtime, and embracing all that is good and holy, we teach our children to live their faith in a culture that pulls them in the opposite direction. Just as Mary and Joseph presented Jesus to the Lord at the temple when he was eight-days-old, we must daily present our children to God through prayer and example.
The Fifth Joyful Myster: The Finding in the Temple
The fifth joyful mystery: The Finding in the Temple. Jesus is now twelve and accompanies his parents to Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover 'as was their custom' (Luke 2:41) Jesus stays behind, unbeknownst to his parents, and when they discover he is missing, they search for him. For me, there are two messages revealed here, one for parents and one regarding our children.
The first message is to never give up on our kids. Even though they may not always do what we want, they are still our children and our love for them should be unconditional. Our parental duty is to keep guiding them, especially when they have taken a different path or it seems that we have lost them. When our children reach the age of puberty and teen years, it is critical to remember this simple insight. When they are seeking independence, we are called to help them in their quest for freedom while we guide them to remain faithful to their values and beliefs.
The second message is harder to understand. Even when we do our best as parents, our children may go their own way. When Mary and Joseph found Jesus in the temple, they questioned him, asking, 'Son, why have you done this to us? You see that your father and I have been searching for you in sorrow' (Luke 2:48). As parents, we will sometimes question the directions our children take and wonder why they are led in this or that way. Yet that is exactly what we are preparing them for, to meet the challenges the world will throw at them, to come through unscathed, still trusting in God and his will for their lives.
These reflections have helped my role as a parent: accepting the task of being a parent, unafraid, seeking support from other parents with the same values, looking to Christ's peace, teaching by example and adhering to the Scriptures, and continuing our role as parents even when our child goes down a different path. While some of these may seem elementary, when we are in the midst of daily life, such simple concepts may keep us on the right road. Mary, the perfect mother, and Joseph, her most chaste spouse, in wisdom and compassion, parented Jesus. By their example, we can learn how to be the best parents we can be. And as we reflect and pray the joyful mysteries and experience the challenges of the teen years, remember these can be truly joy-filled times with our children.