These guidelines are intended to help couples live
the covenant of marriage as understood in the Christian faith.
The goal is to acquaint you with the beliefs of the Roman Catholic
Church and to help you live the Christian life in love and unity.
Your common Christian heritage provides the basis
of your spiritual bond and personal faith. This common Christian
calling should be the starting point from which all decisions
and considerations of your spiritual lives are made.
Topics covered:
How does the Roman Catholic
Church view marriage between Catholics and persons of other Christian
denominations?
In the past, there seemed to be a tendency to view
spouses of interfaith marriages as not fully committed to their
individual denominations. However, today there is an awareness
that it is not the couples love, but the division in the Church
itself that is at fault. To quote from the Decree on Ecumenism from
the Second Vatican Council:
Certainly, such division openly contradicts the
will of Christ, scandalizes the world, and damages that most
holy cause, the preaching of the Gospel to every creature.
The Catholic Church looks at interfaith marriages
in a positive way. Emphasis is placed on what unites us, not
on what divides us. Again, our common Christianity joins us to
the Father, through the Son and in the Holy Spirit. The Catholic
Church wants you to realize that your marriage is meant to be
deeply spiritual. As partners in an interfaith marriage, you
can play an important and positive role in the ecumenical movement.
How do Catholics view
marriage?
Marriage has always been understood by Christians
as a sacred covenant between a man and woman to live a life of
holiness. Even the Old Testament can find no better word to describe
the total gift of husband and wife to each other than the term covenant.
This means a union of life in love. It is the way God expresses
the divine relationship to us. At Mount Sinai, the covenant between
God and His people established a common life between the Creator
and the People of Israel.
The deepest meaning of covenant is not a bargain
or a contract, but a mutual pledge of faithful love which actually
nurtures a community of life. We understand this community of
life to be the Church, the People of God.
Your marriage, in the Christian sense, is the creation
of a new partnership of life in God, a life of holiness. As Christians,
we believe that a new covenant community, the Church, was created
through the blood of Christ, poured out for all. This
is why St. Paul declares that giving yourself freely to each
other in marriage is a living sign of the union of Christ with
the Church (Ephesians 5). The love of Christ for his people becomes
the model for Christian married love --- in fact, we believe
the love of Christ becomes alive in the union of wife and husband,
that is, in the marriage covenant.
Christian marriage presents a call to holiness
together with Christ. That call challenges you to share the spirit
of God through your inner life of generosity, compassion, and
loving kindness. The main difference between Catholics and other
Christian denominations is that the Catholic Church views marriage
as a sacrament. As Bishop John Kinney wrote in Marriage in Christ:
The Sacrament of Faithful, Lifelong Love, a pastoral letter to
engaged couples,
The love between husband and wife is meant to
be as great as the love of Christ for each one of us and
for his Church; the love between husband and wife is meant
to be so great that "the two will become one flesh," (Mt.19:6)
and these two will give their lives for each other, just
as Christ gave his life for us. The even greater mystery
is that marriage — the lifelong faithful, committed
love between one man and one woman — is so sacred
that Christ, the eternal bridegroom, chose it to be nothing
less than
a sign to the world of his love for his bride, the Church.
It is a sacrament.
How do we grow together
in faith if our faith beliefs are different?
Your family is a little church in your home— a
'domestic church' — where Christ is truly present. It is to be
a place of love and prayer, a place where all members seek
to love and respect each other by word and example. It is here
that Christian virtues are best practiced.
By prayer and adopting a Christian attitude toward
each other, your children, and other believers, you will be contributing
in a unique way to better understanding and harmony among Christians
and all people. Seek to help one another grow in a healthy, strong
faith. You will be able to accomplish this without compromising
to your own religious convictions, and without giving the impression
of shallow religious indifference. You both must bring to the
marriage your individual goodness and values. The commonality
of the Christian faith can deepen your love for God and respect
for the Word of God, the Scriptures. That same faith will strengthen
your daily family prayer and public worship in your respective
churches. That faith calls for obedience to the law of God as
expressed in the Scriptures.
What do we do about our
differences?
Respect what each regards as holy. Ecumenical
couples need to live together with deep respect for their common
belief in Christ and for what each spouse regards as holy. By
seeking to understand the traditions of another Christian church,
you and your children will come to a better understanding about
what it means to be united in Christ.
Learn together about each other's church. A
common study of your religious tradition will help you mature
in your spiritual life together. Through conversation and reading,
you can become familiar with your spouse's church.
Learning about each other's traditions will facilitate
a free exchange of ideas, and you will discover how different
church communities search for God's will in today's world. Try
participating in joint activities such as meeting each other's
pastors and attending events at each other's churches, including
discussion groups and Bible studies. On occasion, worship together.
Listen to God's word and participate in the service to the extent
your faith tradition permits. Consider participating in events
meant to foster a good ecumenical spirit, such as Reformation
Sunday commemorations that invite Catholic participation.
Pray together as a family. Your marriage and home
will be sustained by family prayer. In every Christian family,
prayer and Scripture reading have a part, and there is a special
need for this in an interdenominational family. Because public
worship may often be separate, table prayer, bedtime prayers
and family Bible reading become even more important. Learn the
popular prayers of your spouse's denomination — such as
the Hail Mary for Catholics — and pray them together if you
both
feel comfortable. All of these forms of family worship can be
a source of great unity and grace.
Let all those entering your home see some signs
of your faith. Have the family Bible occupy a central place.
Devotional symbols: the cross, crucifix, Christmas crib, pictures
and statues are suitable to the extent you are comfortable with
them.
Your family will be richer, more intimate and have
a greater source of spiritual life when prayer is natural in
your home, and when parents and children can together easily
call God, Our Father, who art in heaven.
What do we do when we
attend each others Churches?
Even though you worship in your respective church
every Sunday, there will still be occasion for family attendance
together. At the present time, the norm is that intercommunion
is not permitted. At the end of this document, guidelines developed
by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops on receiving Communion
are included to help you understand this issue.
Please resist any temptation to stop attending
the services of your respective denominations, believing that
such non-attendance is a good compromise that does not favor
one spouse over the other. It is never a good compromise. Each
spouse must be true to his or her Christian tradition, and both
must resist the temptation to become complacent in their public
worship of Christ.
What part are we expected
to play in bringing up our children as Catholics?
How you give effective religious education to your
children is something about which it is difficult to give universal
advice. Yet, there is the reality and responsibility of religious
education. All Christian denominations vigorously uphold the
primacy of parents in the education and formation of their children.
For you, this may be one of the most challenging responsibilities
of all.
The biblical admonition to parents for the teaching
and guidance of their children is accepted by all Christian churches.
The combined efforts of both parents are called for in this challenging,
exciting venture. It is commonly agreed that before you enter
marriage, you should make the decision about the religious training
of your children.
At the time of the marriage, a Catholic spouse
is asked to make the following promise:
I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ, and, with
God's help, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic
Church. At the same time, I acknowledge the respect I owe
to the conscience of my partner in marriage. I promise to
do all that I can to share the faith I have received with
our children by having them baptized and educated as Catholics.
It is also required that the spouse of the other
Christian tradition be made aware of, understand and respect
that promise.
Because you are choosing to marry in the Catholic
Church, the church assumes the Catholic partner is committed
to the teachings and sacramental life of the faith. The church
asks the Catholic partner to promise to educate their children
as Catholics because it wants to ensure the children have the
same opportunities as their Catholic parent to experience the
richness of this faith.
That said, both share responsibility for passing
on the Christian faith.
Just as important as the formal religious education
your children receive are your attitudes and faith as parents.
Faith is caught as much as taught. Your total religious education
as a family is a God-given responsibility as well as a gift.
What are some common pitfalls
that we might encounter as interfaith couples?
- Indifferentism, where one or both do not participate in
their faith tradition.
- Avoidance of working through the challenges by not participating.
- Finding a third tradition. Trying to find neutral ground
in theory sounds like a good option. In practice frequently
this leads to disconnectedness, religious indifference and
a decrease in church involvement.
- Arguing about whose religion is right. No one will win
this one.
What do we do if our parents
are not supportive?
Do not press a discussion into an argument. The
preference of parents to have their children marry someone of
their own faith is understandable, yet your marriage is not to
be discouraged or criticized, but rather supported. Some interfaith
couples experience outright rejection or subtle condescension
from parents, family members or friends. The couple that senses
this ought not press a discussion into an argument. Arguments
may harden the lines of difference into walls that separate.
Your personal inner peace will be visible proof of harmony and
joy despite religious differences.
Should I insist that my
spouse convert to my faith?
Do not pressure your partner to join your church.
Your goal should be a mutual deepening of Christian faith without
alienation from your respective churches. As each of you live
your faith with deep and sincere conviction, good example is
given. Your mutual goal is to grow closer to God, to let his
will be more dominant in your lives, and to show more clearly
your mutual love in service to the world by showing the presence
of Christ in the way he loves all people. If there is need for
more personal support in your spiritual life, consult with a
pastor or another interfaith couple.
Any last words of wisdom?
Involve yourselves in service to the world. No
marriage exists only to serve itself. A basic purpose of marriage
is the strengthening of the partners to better serve others.
Wherever signs of religious prejudice, bitterness, or ignorance
begin to divide, you can provide enlightenment and give testimony
of harmony despite religious differences. The strength of your
marriage is a call to bring this strength into many areas of
the community where prejudice and suspicion have separated people
from one another. Rich-poor, educated-uneducated, black-white,
employer-employee -- all these can become painful relationships
similar to an unenlightened interfaith marriage.
The pain may not always be eliminated, but Christian
love, hope, and understanding can always become a part of the
situation. The way in which you serve the community (the world
God loves) and the way you support your churches or other areas
of service can be an inspiration to others of belief in the unity
of Christians and the service of all peoples.
Your family, like other families, is called by
God to be a blessing to others. As this call is answered, you
will find life and meaning that is everlasting.
Guidlines for Receiving
Communion
The following guidelines are from the National
States Catholic Conference, 1996.
For Catholics: Catholics fully participate
in the celebration of the Eucharist when they receive Holy Communion
in fulfillment of Christ's command to eat His Body and drink
His Blood. In order to be properly disposed to receive Communion,
communicants should not be conscious of having committed grave
sin, have fasted for an hour, and seek to live in charity and
love with their neighbors. Persons conscious of having committed
grave sin must first be reconciled with God and the Church through
the Sacrament of Penance. Catholics are encouraged to receive
the Sacrament of Reconciliation frequently.
For Other Christians: We welcome to this
celebration of the Eucharist those Christians who are not fully
united with us. It is a consequence of the sad divisions in Christianity
that we cannot extend to them a general invitation to receive
Communion. Catholics believe that the Eucharist is an action
of the celebrating community signifying a oneness in faith, life,
and worship of the community. Reception of the Eucharist by Christians
not fully united with us would imply a oneness which does not
yet exist, and for which we must all pray.
For Non-Christians: We also welcome to this
celebration those who do not share our faith in Jesus. While
we cannot extend to them an invitation to receive Communion,
we do invite them to be united with us in prayer.
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